More Harm Than Good

There are some things in this life that are perceived good, but they may cause more harm than good. For example, an apology that makes me feel better but makes you feel worse may very well be sincere but it may cause more harm than good.

Every Now and Again

Every once in a while, when I am studying down the rabbit trails that I follow, I will find some illumination, something that just speaks to my heart. This is a dark world, but one sentence I read yesterday said that there is no darkness so deep that it is immune to the light. So true. Here is a quote from Martin Luther that as I digested it, it lit a small flame somewhere in the darkest parts of me. This life is an ongoing struggle, but Luther speaks to this, and I find it encouraging.

"This life, therefore, is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness,

not health but healing,

not being but becoming,

not rest but exercise.

We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it.

The process is not yet finished, but it is going on.

This is not the end but it is the road.

All does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified."

-Martin Luther in "Defense and Explanation of All the Articles," Second Article (1521)

Being the Tooth Fairy

"The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart." Mencius, Book IV

He's growing so big now. He knows the truth about Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. He writes everything in beautiful cursive. He does long division and simple algebra. He plays higher and higher levels in his piano and understands tetrachords, and other things that baffle me. But he is still so young, and inside, there is this HUGE imagination, for which I am thankful.

Wednesday night, he pulled a tooth on the way home from church and managed to drop it. We couldn't find it. He was almost hysterical.

"Here's what we'll do," I say. "Write the tooth fairy a letter!"

He sits down and composes a beautiful note to the Tooth Fairy, and the next morning, she has responded with kind understanding and an extra dollar because of his sadness. He is beside himself with joy. He cannot believe how much he is loved, and that she actually came and understood his plight!

And in the last seconds before his daddy whisks him out the door for school, he snuggles next to me on the couch, face freshly washed, hair combed and looking so manly and he whispers, "Thanks for being my tooth fairy!"

I hope that he can keep that wonder forever, though he knows the truth, in his imagination, he is able to see magic. And I am so thankful for that.

Little Moments

We had this one incredible year where our world moved a little more slowly. Things were busy enough. I didn't have a lot of time for outside relationships and activities, but there was family time galore. There were many days where we finished school and chores, and threw the big quilt down in the front yard to relax and read together, many days where the weather wasn't good to get outside so we snuggled under the covers in my bed and read together. So many good snuggles!

We don't get as many snuggles in now, and that is a little bit hard. But we have to be sure to look for the little moments when we can get them, and remember to be thankful for them. One thing I used to LOVE to do with Carter when I would drop him off at preschool was letting him sit in my lap and "drive" through the carpool line. When we were down to two cars in front of us, he would switch to the passenger's side to get out. I have re-established this tradition with Addie. She sits in my lap and "drives" as she counts down the cars in front of us. I relish the feel of her warm little body, the smell of her sweet hair as she chatters, "Oh no, four more cars, three!"

She grabs my face and says, "I have 101 kisses for you Mommy!" and goes to town, kissing my cheeks, forehead, and ending with a few butterfly kisses on my nose. I return all of her kisses and say goodbye and that I love her and will see her soon and I watch as she skips down the sidewalk, chattering to everyone she passes. She is so happy and growing so quickly, and I am just thankful for those few minutes of driving together.

We are retraining ourselves to seize the moments that present themselves...

Figuring Out Me

A wise friend and I recently chatted about New Year's resolutions. She had decided not to make any -- instead of resolving to be something she is not, she was going to work on accepting who she is. Brilliant, I thought.

At the age of thirty-one, I think I am finally beginning to know and understand and accept who I am. I can sew, but I just don't want to. I was in the middle of sewing a Halloween costume for my son when I realized that I hate sewing. There, I said it. It seems like the domestic arts are making some sort of faddish come-back, and I felt compelled to be a part of it. But I just don't want to. Why waste my time trying to be something I am not, when there are other aspects of me that I am that need working on? And why care if anyone looks down on my not developing this skill, or any other particular skill?

At different times in my life, I have chosen my hobbies, hairstyle, shoes, boyfriends, manner of exercise, and many other things because of what is popular. It is only in retrospect that I see that driving need to fit in, but I think I may be getting over that. And really, I'm not sure that others are as concerned with my choices as I used to worry they may be.

So, along with my friend, I resolved not to resolve. I just began to think about who I really am. I am a wife and a mom, a reader, a writer, a beginning jogger (not good at it but I want to be), a music lover, a cook and many other things. I'm not sure about my political affiliation. I have trouble identifying with the major parties so I think I might be something more minor. Some things I am out of necessity -- like laundress, vacuum operator, toilet scrubber. Others, like the writing and jogging, I am out of enjoyment and because of the way God designed me. For whatever His reason, He did not design me to love sewing, canning, or women's groups in general (I can handle Bible studies but ladies' nights out in large groups are not my thing). I have finally accepted this and begun to explore how I can develop the talents and desires He did place in me instead of wasting a large portion of my life forcing myself to pretend to be something I am not.

And, friends, it is good...

"We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do." -Ethel Barrett

Best Chocolate Cake -- EVER!

I want to share this recipe because not only is it THE tastiest chocolate cake I have ever made, it is super easy! I one-and-a-halfed the recipe to make my son's birthday cake (see previous post) and used buttercream frosting to decorate (side note -- ALWAYS add a bit of almond extract to buttercream frosting -- it just makes it so much better!). This one is for my mom's birthday celebration tonight, and is topped with fudge candy icing. The secret ingredient is coffee. You just can't go wrong with this one, unless you hate chocolate, in which case, I do not know how to relate to you! :)

Beatty's Chocolate Cake (from Barefoot Contessa):

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
3/4 cups good cocoa powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup buttermilk, shaken
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 extra-large eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup freshly brewed hot coffee

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 359 degrees F. Grease 2 (8-inch) round cake pans or 1 bundt pan.

Sift the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into the bowl of an electric mixer filled with a paddle attachment and mix on low speed until combined. In another bowl, combine the buttermilk, oil, eggs, and vanilla. With the mixer on low speed, slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry. With mixer still on low, add the coffee and stir just to combine, scraping the bottom of the bowl with a rubber spatula. Pour the batter into the prepared pan(s) and bake for 35 to 40 minutes, until a cake tester comes out clean. Cool in the pans for 30 minutes, then turn them out onto a cooling rack and cool completely.


See how moist it looks? It tastes that moist too. It's just YUM! If you are using a cooked fudge icing as I did today, do not forget to scrape the pan and share the scrapings with your little ones so they don't feel left out.

8

I shake the dye in the bottle and spread it evenly through my hair, clip it all up, set the timer for 30 minutes and head back to the kitchen to finish prepping food for his party. The gray has begun showing heavily. I don't feel old enough to have an eight-year-old, but he turns anyway, triumphantly, noisily, joyfully eight. And the clock keeps ticking, and his hands look like big boy hands, any trace of baby fat gone. All that cursive writing must be making them leaner. He races ahead to bigger and bigger things, and I look forward and backward at the same time. It's bittersweet...