Had a Bad Day...

Carter and Addie enjoy popcorn and movie time this afternoon after crafts.

"'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day"
-Daniel Powter

There is something about this song that cheers me. I know. That is bleak. But I think it's because for me, it so well describes those days that we all have when nothing goes right -- and it reminds me that I am NOT in the boat alone...

So, our first bad day: Maybe I should really refer to it as a "hard day". Nothing major went wrong. You know how we all have our flaws? Well, the kids and I both showed our flaws at the same time and they all collided. Let's just say, it wasn't pretty. I had to deal with a stubborn 7-year-old who actually got it in his mind to argue about flash cards. WHAT? Who's the boss here? (For those of you who don't know, that would be me when my husband isn't here). We did deal with the issue of his argumentative attitude up front and moved on. Genuine questions are accepted but arguing to get out of work because of a bad attitude isn't going to work. Then, my daughter just did not want to listen to me telling her how to hold the scissors. It doesn't sound that bad, but all of my fears crashed down. Starting homeschooling has not been easy. It has been JOYFUL but not easy. I wrestled with all of the questions of when would I have time for me? Wouldn't I be claustrophobic? What if I damaged the kids? I'm not an educator -- didn't they really need a REAL teacher? All of these things surfaced in me.

I didn't expect ease. I expected a bad day to come at some point. And it came. I sent the kids to their rooms for some quiet time and I went to my room and cried. When I came out, we talked about what happened, how we could do it better, said a prayer and finished our day. We were 45 minutes behind schedule and I still had to finish making dinner for a friend. The kids entertained themselves while I did this and then we were out the door to piano. I dropped Carter off and took Addie to Broadstreet to read a few books and eat a cookie. It was much-needed mommy and daughter time.

All I have to say is TGIF! What a great day to do crafts and watch a movie after the stress of our first hard day. I went to bed last night not discouraged but actually uplifted. I felt like a servant as I cried in my room yesterday morning. But the Lord reminded me that I am to be a servant. I can literally picture Jesus washing the feet of His disciples. I WANT the heart of a servant. I don't want to have to go to my room to cry and grumble, though I am human and it's going to happen. But I want to be sanctified and grumble less and less along the way. May He give me the strength.

This brings me to one of my fears that I wrestled with before beginning this journey: me time. I have come to realize that the Bible (which is my standard of truth because it is the historically accurate word of God as well as being life-changing) doesn't promise me "me time". I do try to take time for myself when I can, but I think that our society has become so self-centered that we focus on me, me, me all the time. It's also interesting that when the kids were in a school building and not with me, I had all the time I needed but couldn't seem to get much done. The more me time I got, the more I craved. It was like Pandora's box. Not everyone is like this, but I was. Here's the real question: How much time to myself do I REALLY need? And do I really NEED it or is it just a privilege when it comes? My best "me time" comes when all is well with my family and I don't fight to get out, but my husband maybe just wants to take the kids to do something or we've scheduled something in advance. When I am angry and tired and I push for "me time", I might get the time but my attitude has not changed when I come home. It's still waiting for me at the kitchen door. Jesus never promised me that my life would be easy, but He did promise me joy and peace. And He has given it to me -- even in the midst of my bad day. I am truly awed by the wonder of a God who takes my fears and struggles and puts joy in them, who takes tasks seen as menial and makes them glorious in His sight.

And you know what? I felt thankful because I didn't just lose it and storm at the kids but took time to cool down even if that meant we were behind schedule. As helpful as the schedule is, sometimes it just has to go for our sake. At the end of the bad day, I was actually able to say it was a "good day" because we learned so much -- academically, but moreso about each other and about working together as a family. What a blessing...

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24