Bending Without Breaking: About The Second Child (or, What Makes “Twinkletoes” Twinkle)

Addie, aged 3, prepares to leave the house -- for who knows what? She's always prepared!

I have talked a lot about Carter on this blog because he is the one receiving most of the schooling right now. I will most likely go ahead and start math and heavy phonics with Addie next year, but for now, we are just doing some fun preschool exercises. She likes to be included in the schooling, so I try to as much as possible, but there are just some things that she can’t do right now. I did want to share a bit about her, though, because she is such a joy to us and an equally important part of the family as Carter.

First day of 3-year-old preschool (we made it a whole semester -- go us!).

Addie has always been a huge blessing to us. Carter was an equal blessing but was a high maintenance baby (due in part to our high-strung nervousness and cluelessness) who was attached to the breast until he was 15 months old. When he cried, he nursed. When he was up at night, he nursed. When he was happy, he nursed, sad, he nursed, mad, he nursed, etc… Part of the constant nursing was just me not knowing what else to do! Also, I figure if a baby is hungry, go ahead and feed them -- especially if it's breastmilk (lower calories -- you're not gonna hurt them)! I stayed pretty exhausted with him while still enjoying him intensely, the way a mother enjoys the wonder of her first child. I was afraid to have another child, though. I was so exhausted and he was so high maintenance. I had no idea how to balance another baby. We were on the verge of deciding to be an only child family when I attended a baby shower for my cousin. All of the tiny blue booties and sweet clothes reminded me of the sweetness of babies and I decided I was ready to try for another one. I came home terrified, told the hubby I was ready, and he said, “Quick, throw the pills away before you change your mind!”

Daniel and his baby girl, not long after we came home from the hospital.

I think God knew that it had to happen fast or I would change my mind and go back on the pill, because two weeks later, on April Fools’ Day, I had a positive pregnancy test in my hand. Daniel didn’t believe me because it happened so fast. He had already left for work when I took it, so I left it sitting on the counter until he came home. What a whirlwind! It was a healthy but hard pregnancy. I’m not a fabulous pregnant person anyway, but sickness struck me in a way I had not experienced with Carter. I vomited every morning for three months with two-year-old Carter standing in the bathroom asking me what was wrong. I lost 14 pounds and only gained 10 back. And I became very sad and anxious about everything to the point that I attended family therapy at the local seminary. I’m so glad I did because I think everyone at some point should just go and get all of their junk out on the table with an objective party to help them sort through it. It was a very healthy and helpful experience for me.

Seven months pregnant with Addie.

The day we found out we were having a girl, we were overjoyed. Daniel had wanted a little girl since he could remember and I was excited either way, but relived to have one of each because I wasn’t sure of my ability to have a third child and balance everything well (I knew Daniel would want to try at least one more time for a girl). Also, the thought of having a sweet, fluffy, pink bundle just seemed such fun! We had been toying with different names, and as soon as we saw her on the sonogram, we just knew exactly what her name would be as if she had always been with us. Since I’d already had a c-section with Carter, we decided to go ahead and schedule a second one. I had read about the risks of VBAC and though I wasn’t thrilled about a second section, I wasn’t willing to risk my life -- and hers -- to deliver vaginally. That just made no sense to me. But, about five days before my scheduled date, my blood pressure spiked and we went on and had her.

Newborn Addie snuggling in her Nana's arms.

She was as perfect as a baby could be – a seven pound, one ounce bundle of preciousness. The OB ordered magnesium fo rmy blood pressure without checking with me first then tried to tell me I couldn’t nurse her with magnesium in my drip, so I threw a fit, refused the mag, told them to give me my kid, and nursed her (remember that I was pretty high on morphine at this point but I just wanted my baby and I wasn’t going to let her have formula --I realize that this is not how everyone feels, but it was just very important to me! Also, plenty of OBs will allow you to nurse on magnesium, but whatever. That’s a topic for another discussion.). She went straight to the breast and camped there, snuggling and making sweet noises as she nursed.

Below: Addie and I make "nosies" together in the hospital.

We came home from the hospital and everything balanced out incredibly well. For all my fears, there were some rough days, but mostly really good ones. Our universe didn’t center around Carter anymore, and this was incredibly good for him! I also figured out how to run down the hall with Carter and hoist him up on the potty while never stopping nursing (praise God for the football hold!). He loved his sister right off the bat and I’m proud to say that so many of the horror stories people felt compelled to tell me about older siblings doing mean things to a baby never happened.

2-year-old Carter checks out Addie's tiny hand.

Her engaging smile...

Addie rounded our family out so wonderfully. For all of our seriousness, she brought laughter.

Corn from Chili's, anyone?

She spoke early, saying “Mama” at six months and “shoe” shortly thereafter. She developed a sock and shoe fetish early on! She loves pink and purple but only wants to wear jeans with her pink and purple tops. She’s girly but can hang with the boys on our street.

Wearing her Mississippi Braves hat.

She loves to make you laugh, but isn’t worried about the spotlight being on her (in fact, she HATES being on stage, the perfect counterpart to a brother who wants nothing but to live on stage). She has one of the sweetest singing voices I have ever heard, and laughs like a bell. She loves to dance and walkes on her tippy-toes (which is why I sometimes refer to her as “Twinkletoes”), loves to give, and loves to love her brother and everyone else around her. She is quite obedient and hates to displease anyone.

Just being cute...

She tells me at least twice a day that I am her “best friend”, something that continually warms me. She is fairly intelligent too – we don’t see the prodigious skills developing that her brother has, but we are completely thrilled with her as she is. I don’t know that our family could handle two super-advanced children, anyway. She is incredibly imaginative – Monday, she made up a new uncle, “Uncle John the Baptist” and said he was sick in the hospital so she had to write him a letter. I have no idea where she came up with this, but it was a hoot. Daniel left Tuesday morning with her letter in hand because the first words out of her mouth that morning were, “Can we please mail this letter to Uncle John the Baptist?” Tuesday afternoon, she made up a new girlfriend named “Nazareth” who has a cast on her leg, so we have to be “very gentle” with her. God gave us what we needed for our family. Most importantly, she seems to be beginning to understand that she is a sinner in need of a Savior, something that we discuss every day. I pray that she will know Jesus very soon as her Lord and Savior.

I am always thankful for both of my children. God has used them both so mightily in my life, and I pray that as they grow, He will use them mightily for His kingdom (a thought that scares me because I don’t know what or where He’ll call them to be, but I still want them to serve Him). I learn lessons from both of them, but from Addie, I am learning how to be cheerful and greet everyone first thing in the morning, how to dance with abandon, how to shake off rudeness and be kind in spite of how others may treat me, and how to love unconditionally. What a blessing she truly is!