I'm going to divert from my "normal" entries of daybooks and fun with my children to share an entry in a devotional book I'm reading. I was talking with a dear friend yesterday who has been struggling. She shared that she felt she shouldn't be struggling, shouldn't be crying. She's sorry for her tears. I was so burdened for her. I was a bit angered also with Satan and American society. Those two things have combined to make so many of us (even those who know Christ and know that it is only through His death and resurrection we live) feel like we should be "self-made", like we should always be strong. "Do it yourself," we say, and, "pick yourself up by your boot straps and go on!" Sometimes, those things are true. We should definitely be able to fend for ourselves on some level -- that is survival.
But emotionally, God made us for relationship and we should NOT be ashamed when we need the love and support of family and friends. I am absolutely appalled by the lack of compassion our society has for those who are grieving -- we are uncomfortable with it and so we just want it to get better fast. And I have news for you: EVERYONE has a breaking point and no one is in a place to decide what that point is for anyone else or how they should feel. I read this devotional entry to my friend and hope that if any of you have hidden tears, it will help you just a bit. This is an entry from Week 1 of Nancy Guthrie's One Year Book of Hope (click the title of the book to read more about Nancy and her writings). The following is all from her. I will not make any comments at the end of it.
Your Tears Matter to God
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. -Psalm 56:8
I remember going up to the cosmetics counter a few weeks after my daughter, Hope, died and asking if the mascara I was considering would run down my face when I cried. The salesperson assured me it wouldn't and then asked with a laugh in her voice, "Are you going to be crying?"
"Yes," I answered, "I am." And I have. I used to rarely cry, but now tears are always close to the surface, just waiting to be released. It is as if there is a broken place inside me where tears are stored. Letting them out has been the only way to release the pressure of the pain.
Along with relief, there is also the uncomfortable loss of control that is a companion to tears, isn't there? Some see tears not only as a loss of control but also as a lack of faith. It is as if the physical manifestation of tears gives evidence of a spiritual deficiency -- that if our faith was big enough or deep enough or developed enough, we simply wouldn't be this sad. It is as if we think our grasp of spiritual realities can erase the hurts of being human. But when you've lost something or someone who is valuable to you, when you have been forced to let go of a dream or live within a nightmare -- that is something to be sad about. So let yourself be sad.
And know that God does not discount or dismiss your tears. They are precious to him because you are precious to him. In fact, when God reveals glimpses of the culmination of human history -- in a future that will fully reveal and be fully worthy of his glory -- he includes, as a centerpiece, this promise in Isaiah 25:8: "The Sovereign Lord will wipe away all tears." Picture in your mind right now the Lord of the universe reaching down to gently and lovingly wipe away your tears. He doesn't ignore them or tell you that if you really had faith you wouldn't cry. He wipes them away. And Revelation 21:4 tells us that not only will he wipe away tears, he will remove all of the sorrow that caused them. God's plan for the future is to destroy forever the evil that has brought you so much pain and then to live forever with you in a place he has lovingly prepared where there will be no more tears.
My Tear Collector, sometimes you seem so far away, it's hard for me to grasp that you are sad with me. Give me the faith to see you now beside me and to see a future in which your hand will wipe away my tears forever.
Digging Deeper
Read Psalm 56. Make a list of what Davide determined to do despite his tears.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
What SHOULD We Feel??
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4 comments:
Katie, thank you for that. I am guilty of thinking I shouldn't cry sometimes, especially out of anger.
Great post and one I'm sure I will come back to often.
I often feel embarrassed by my own tears. I feel like a weakling among the strong. And then I remember that Jesus said "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Mark 2:17 In my weakness, His strength is shown to me...
This is interesting because I often feel embarrassed by my LACK of tears. I am often uncomfortable around open displays of emotion because I fear that I will be thought callous or uncaring because I am so reserved. It isn't that I am attempting to hide my tears, they just don't come naturally to me.
Jennifer, I had to think on this one... I think the main point is allowing others to grieve or be sad however they need to -- and for you, that may or may not would included tears. So, if you were to go through something and NOT cry, the same rule of not trying to tell you how you should feel or what you should do would apply. From what I have witnessed, American society is very uncomfortable with expressions of grief as a whole. What it sounds like you're saying (amd correct me if I'm wrong) is that you can't relate because you don't know what it is to feel that way; but on the whole what I see as a society is that we're just busy and very interested in good times only, and it gets in our way. So, a lot of people feel like they should just hide their feelings. I don't sense that in you at all. We all cope differently and I suspect that you in your own way are a very gracious and sympathetic friend...
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