Figuring Out Me

A wise friend and I recently chatted about New Year's resolutions. She had decided not to make any -- instead of resolving to be something she is not, she was going to work on accepting who she is. Brilliant, I thought.

At the age of thirty-one, I think I am finally beginning to know and understand and accept who I am. I can sew, but I just don't want to. I was in the middle of sewing a Halloween costume for my son when I realized that I hate sewing. There, I said it. It seems like the domestic arts are making some sort of faddish come-back, and I felt compelled to be a part of it. But I just don't want to. Why waste my time trying to be something I am not, when there are other aspects of me that I am that need working on? And why care if anyone looks down on my not developing this skill, or any other particular skill?

At different times in my life, I have chosen my hobbies, hairstyle, shoes, boyfriends, manner of exercise, and many other things because of what is popular. It is only in retrospect that I see that driving need to fit in, but I think I may be getting over that. And really, I'm not sure that others are as concerned with my choices as I used to worry they may be.

So, along with my friend, I resolved not to resolve. I just began to think about who I really am. I am a wife and a mom, a reader, a writer, a beginning jogger (not good at it but I want to be), a music lover, a cook and many other things. I'm not sure about my political affiliation. I have trouble identifying with the major parties so I think I might be something more minor. Some things I am out of necessity -- like laundress, vacuum operator, toilet scrubber. Others, like the writing and jogging, I am out of enjoyment and because of the way God designed me. For whatever His reason, He did not design me to love sewing, canning, or women's groups in general (I can handle Bible studies but ladies' nights out in large groups are not my thing). I have finally accepted this and begun to explore how I can develop the talents and desires He did place in me instead of wasting a large portion of my life forcing myself to pretend to be something I am not.

And, friends, it is good...

"We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do." -Ethel Barrett