Home on Sunday

Carter started throwing up at school Friday and it turned out to be strep. He got the shot and normally we would be at church but his tonsils were so swollen, the doc said to keep him home until Monday morning. He is quite a bit better, but a little extra rest never hurt anyone.

So, on this beautiful Sunday morning at home, I have been pondering this thing we call "the Gospel". What is it, exactly? Is it a call to a list of rules and actions? An isolation tactic that means (in the words of an old Sunday school teacher) "we don't smoke, don't drink, don't chew, and don't mess with those who do"? Is it being productive every day and then blogging it out so that I can be patted on the back for my accomplishments? Is it updating my facebook status with verses? Is it blogging about my convictions and then going out the door and being too afraid or apathetic or proud to just engage others who are different from me in relationship?

When we stopped homeschooling, it was because I had hit a deep depression and could not continue putting one foot in front of the other. I am pretty sure I do have some chemical issues, but I think there is much more than chemistry that plays into depression. I went further down than I have ever been and I am pretty sure it was triggered by legalism. Legalism is a killer, it's a prison in and of itself. Legalism is much more interested in making others be like me than it is in showing others the way to Christ. One can live and die in legalism and never even realize it. They'll believe they did it all right, and everyone else did it all wrong, and they will have cut off any and everyone who disagreed with them along the way, left only with a choice few that continue to encourage their stances. I'm not saying the legalist is unsaved. Only God can know their heart and He can forgive any sin. But I do wonder about the effectiveness of a life lived in this vein (though I know too that no life is lived without His sovereignty).

This doesn't mean I don't support homeschooling anymore. During my time schooling I had the privilege of meeting some beautiful families who were balancing their choices well. I also had the privilege of seeing some who did not turn out so well (this was an eye-opener because only the ideal stories tend to get told). I call this a privilege because it was good to see balance. For us, though, homeschooling had to go. You know how you can only realize things after looking back with clarity? I can look back over that year and see so much good and am forever thankful for some of the precious moments I had with my family. But one of the things I can see with absolute precision is a series of events leading to a moment where I went from thinking that homeschooling was one of many good options to believing that it was the only option and that we HAD to do it this way to keep our children unstained from the world. I am very prone to getting sucked in to hard systems of rules. I am that way because for a long time, I lived on the other end of the spectrum, not caring about any rules at all. I think, though, that this rebellion was a direct lashback against the legalism of the systems I had always known, and it was a hunger for the true Gospel of Christ. I was the prodigal son. Then, I got saved and became the elder brother. I am not sure which is worse.

Tim Keller has a book called The Prodigal God. If you haven't read it, you should. It will make you reexamine yourself in the kind of light that makeup mirrors provide. There is much debate in my Sunday school class, when the parable of the prodigal son comes up, as to whether the elder brother was saved or not. I don't really think that is the point of the parable, but I kind of think he was. I think he knew the father, but in his legalism, he felt the need to isolate himself on the homestead and withhold the inheritance from his younger brother who by grace came crawling back covered in filth. Kind of like Job knew God but was so infuriated when the Ninevites repented. In his estimation, they didn't deserve it. And yet God continued to show Job how much He loved him, just as the father showed the elder brother.

What is it in us, once we're saved, that wants to withhold blessing from those who are not, or from those who are not growing in the same areas as we are? What is it in ME that wants to decide whether others are worthy or not? This is precisely the kind of judging that Christ is against. He alone knows the heart. I do not. This, friends, is NOT the Gospel.

The Gospel is a simple truth and a harsh reality all at once. The truth, simply put, is that Christ died and rose for me and that provided grace sufficient for the holy God to see that work when He looks at me instead of seeing my blighted nature. The harsh reality is that the rest of my life is an uphill battle waged against my own flesh, whether it be propensities to physical sin or to harsh judgements of others. And then, there is another, more beautiful reality, that during the uphill battle, my Jesus is with me, rescuing me all along the way, because the life of Christianity is a life of continual repentance and turning -- not for one thing or another, but FROM one life TO another.

There is a whole world out there, a diverse, aching world of differences. So, do I cut myself off from it or live in it and live for Christ? I think I know the answer, and I think I know what my children must be taught as well...

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2: 8-9 (ESV, italics mine)