It's Been a While...

I haven't posted in so long! There was a time when updating this blog was a very important factor to me. It was my way of keeping up with everything, my way of leaving my imprint somewhere. Lately, there just hasn't been the time. There is carpool to run and lunch to be made, music lessons, homework, snuggles, bath and bed. There are miles to run and pilates to do. There is an English (remedial) course at a local community college to be taught starting next semester. There is still laundry and vacuuming and toilet scrubbing. There are many books to be read. And in the midst of it all, I snap pictures, make a few notes. I get it all imprinted on my brain, on my heart. Really, that's where it matters the most. Because whether I brag here or somewhere else, I can't take it with me when I go.

Bruschetta

'Round here, we like dishes full of flavor. "Bruschetta comes from the Italian word, bruscare which means “roasted over coals”. In Tuscany, thick slices of farmers’ bread were lightly toasted, rubbed with garlic cloves, seasoned with salt and pepper, and then drizzled with the new crop olive oil. It was meant to focus on the flavour of the new oils and only the oil. Sometimes, a tomato salad with chopped fresh tomatoes, basil, garlic, and balsamic vinegar was heaped on top of the warm bread." (Source: islandfoodie.com) Now, bruschetta is meant to be an appetizer, but in our house, we eat it for meals. It is choc-full of tomatoes and other healthy goodies. Go antioxidants! The recipe is below.



2 leaves fresh basil, chopped (I use three or four)
3 medium cloves garlic, chopped finely
1/2 large or 1 whole sweet onion, chopped
6-8 roma tomatoes, chopped
1/3 cup olive oil
1 TBSP lemon juice
1 loaf Italian bread
more olive oil

Mix all ingredients together (except the bread and the "more olive oil").



Slice the bread thinly and brush with olive oil. Toast under broiler until golden brown.



Top bread with bruschetta mixture, salt and pepper to taste, and watch your family enjoy their veggies!

The Apostle Paul and the 5k

I started running this year. It was not a New Year's resolution but a step toward something I've been wanting to do for quite some time -- live a healthier life. I ran track for one year in junior high and used to run a little bit in college just for exercise, but I never was serious about it and never made it a long-term habit. In January, I started a couch potato to 5k training plan because I am not in fabulous shape. Eight and a half years after my first child was born, I am now getting serious about taking care of myself. It's never too late.

I have been having an ongoing e-mail discussion with a college student who I used to have in youth girls' Bible study. She is mature beyond her years and her walk with Christ is an encouragement to me. We stumbled onto the topic of running and the Christian faith and how cheesy the analogy seems in scripture until you run for a little while. And then, you get it.

This morning, I pushed through a segment of my training that I have been having trouble with for a week and a half. I would reach my last interval and just lose my ability to breathe steady and give up. But I made it today. I am halfway to running my first 5k. It felt great. And as I worked through that last interval, here is what occurred to me:

Running is hard (duh) and exhilarating (never thought it could be true). There are days when everything works out just as you want it to and you could run forever. Then, there are days where you just give up and quit earlier than you wanted to because you just can't go any further. On those days, you wish you had never started running and you dread doing it again. But you go again the next day and push through.

An encourager helps. Having someone who cheers you on adds motivation to keep going.

What you fuel up on matters. Too heavy a meal, you will throw up and give up. Too light, you may pass out.

Water is important. You can't function without enough. Your mouth will get dry and again, you may throw up.

Stretching is vital. No stretching, injury risk.

Your shoes are a big deal! Bad support equals injury risk.

It can take years to undo unhealthy living. I want the chocolate cake and to sleep late. I want to stay up late and just drink some extra coffee to get by the next day. But I've done that for too long. If I keep doing it, I can't run because I am not properly rested and I feel sick from what I ate.

It's not always fun. My first week, I could barely run for a full 60 seconds without wanting to just quit. Change is hard. Life change is the hardest kind.

Sometimes even encouraging noise is just a distraction. This morning, I had to just pull my headphones out of my ears for the last few minutes because all I could focus on was my feet and pacing my breathing. The music that usually inspires me was only slowing me down.

You can't carry too much with you. Every extra ounce of clothing and gear weighs you down. I can barely manage to hang onto my cell phone, a house key and the armband Walkman.

Running uphill is tough. It winds you a bit more and takes more energy. You HAVE to pace yourself and only focus on the next step and you will get there.

You can only do what you can do. Meaning, I am no marathoner. I might be some day but I'm not even a 5k-er yet. If I start comparing myself to the marathoners out there, my efforts seem meaningless and useless and I'm going to quit. But if I focus on the race I have been given, then I will steadily run it.

Though I keep myself from comparing myself to those who are much better runners, I can look at them and be inspired and encouraged. They had to start somewhere too. And I should remember to encourage those who are only just starting.

When you finally do finish, it is an incredible feeling. The stretching is great. The shower is even better. The water you get to drink is the best thing you've ever put in your body.

So, why did Paul use the analogy? Because it's perfect, and so far from cheesy. I can relate every bit of the run to walking with Christ. What I nourish myself with, how I rest, pace, perseverance, pain, comparisons, and giving and receiving encouragement are all a part of it. And someday, when I finish, I can only imagine how sweet the reward will be...

"Therefore since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the throne of the right hand of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. " 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Something a Little Less Brooding...

I have been thinking through a lot of things and have blogged about them, using my blog for catharsis, BUT today, I am going to share some fun things...

Girl day is Friday in our house. Addie doesn't have preschool, so she and I try to do some fun things. Last week, she wanted a bubble bath, but we were out of bubbles, so we headed to Bath and Body Works. She smelled everything in the store and settled on Japanese Cherry Blossom. Great choice. AND they were having a buy three get three free sale. We stocked up. :) We came home, ran a bath and fixed a bowl of chocolates.


We then fixed ourselves a picnic and spread the big quilt in the yard for some relaxation in the beautiful weather.


We watched clouds.


And took pictures of ourselves.


Lately, she has been very interested in setting the table. She ALWAYS wants to come up with a centerpiece. Yesterday, she picked all these weeds out of the yard and began to pile them on the table. I gave her a small bowl, and she did this ALL by herself.


A weed by any other name...

Home on Sunday

Carter started throwing up at school Friday and it turned out to be strep. He got the shot and normally we would be at church but his tonsils were so swollen, the doc said to keep him home until Monday morning. He is quite a bit better, but a little extra rest never hurt anyone.

So, on this beautiful Sunday morning at home, I have been pondering this thing we call "the Gospel". What is it, exactly? Is it a call to a list of rules and actions? An isolation tactic that means (in the words of an old Sunday school teacher) "we don't smoke, don't drink, don't chew, and don't mess with those who do"? Is it being productive every day and then blogging it out so that I can be patted on the back for my accomplishments? Is it updating my facebook status with verses? Is it blogging about my convictions and then going out the door and being too afraid or apathetic or proud to just engage others who are different from me in relationship?

When we stopped homeschooling, it was because I had hit a deep depression and could not continue putting one foot in front of the other. I am pretty sure I do have some chemical issues, but I think there is much more than chemistry that plays into depression. I went further down than I have ever been and I am pretty sure it was triggered by legalism. Legalism is a killer, it's a prison in and of itself. Legalism is much more interested in making others be like me than it is in showing others the way to Christ. One can live and die in legalism and never even realize it. They'll believe they did it all right, and everyone else did it all wrong, and they will have cut off any and everyone who disagreed with them along the way, left only with a choice few that continue to encourage their stances. I'm not saying the legalist is unsaved. Only God can know their heart and He can forgive any sin. But I do wonder about the effectiveness of a life lived in this vein (though I know too that no life is lived without His sovereignty).

This doesn't mean I don't support homeschooling anymore. During my time schooling I had the privilege of meeting some beautiful families who were balancing their choices well. I also had the privilege of seeing some who did not turn out so well (this was an eye-opener because only the ideal stories tend to get told). I call this a privilege because it was good to see balance. For us, though, homeschooling had to go. You know how you can only realize things after looking back with clarity? I can look back over that year and see so much good and am forever thankful for some of the precious moments I had with my family. But one of the things I can see with absolute precision is a series of events leading to a moment where I went from thinking that homeschooling was one of many good options to believing that it was the only option and that we HAD to do it this way to keep our children unstained from the world. I am very prone to getting sucked in to hard systems of rules. I am that way because for a long time, I lived on the other end of the spectrum, not caring about any rules at all. I think, though, that this rebellion was a direct lashback against the legalism of the systems I had always known, and it was a hunger for the true Gospel of Christ. I was the prodigal son. Then, I got saved and became the elder brother. I am not sure which is worse.

Tim Keller has a book called The Prodigal God. If you haven't read it, you should. It will make you reexamine yourself in the kind of light that makeup mirrors provide. There is much debate in my Sunday school class, when the parable of the prodigal son comes up, as to whether the elder brother was saved or not. I don't really think that is the point of the parable, but I kind of think he was. I think he knew the father, but in his legalism, he felt the need to isolate himself on the homestead and withhold the inheritance from his younger brother who by grace came crawling back covered in filth. Kind of like Job knew God but was so infuriated when the Ninevites repented. In his estimation, they didn't deserve it. And yet God continued to show Job how much He loved him, just as the father showed the elder brother.

What is it in us, once we're saved, that wants to withhold blessing from those who are not, or from those who are not growing in the same areas as we are? What is it in ME that wants to decide whether others are worthy or not? This is precisely the kind of judging that Christ is against. He alone knows the heart. I do not. This, friends, is NOT the Gospel.

The Gospel is a simple truth and a harsh reality all at once. The truth, simply put, is that Christ died and rose for me and that provided grace sufficient for the holy God to see that work when He looks at me instead of seeing my blighted nature. The harsh reality is that the rest of my life is an uphill battle waged against my own flesh, whether it be propensities to physical sin or to harsh judgements of others. And then, there is another, more beautiful reality, that during the uphill battle, my Jesus is with me, rescuing me all along the way, because the life of Christianity is a life of continual repentance and turning -- not for one thing or another, but FROM one life TO another.

There is a whole world out there, a diverse, aching world of differences. So, do I cut myself off from it or live in it and live for Christ? I think I know the answer, and I think I know what my children must be taught as well...

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2: 8-9 (ESV, italics mine)

Self-help or Relationship?

Over the past couple of months, I have noticed in myself a propensity to get a bit carried away in areas that need improvement in my life. I'll work really hard at something until I'm worn out. If I get good results, I'll credit my relationship with God even though I feel so good about it (like I have done something major all on my own). And of course, God does get the credit because it is He that enables me to do anything at all. However, I have started examining how I view my relationship with Christ. Is it, in fact, a relationship, or is it a catalyst to self-improvement? Sure, I should want to be better, but not in a way that causes me to "use" God. I ran across a quote this morning in a book that a friend sent a few pages of to me.

"Even religion itself may be manipulated into becoming an elaborate and systematic evasion of the living God, and ultimately a system of self deification. What may have begun, like falling in love, as a deeply sincere and thrilling personal encounter, can quickly degenerate into sterile self-centeredness. And so the worship of God may be changed into a quest for human fulfillment; obedience to God becomes enslavement to one's own dreams and passions; the Kingdom of God is translated to mean a Utopian society; and so on. In one way or another, religion may be used not to glorify God at all, but actually to shift the emphasis from God to man, and to do so in a way that drips with piety." From Mike Mason's The Mystery of Marriage

When I walk with my husband, we talk, laugh, get to know each other a little bit better. Oh, that my walk with Christ would be so sweet and full of talk and laughter and getting to know Him better that all else pales in comparison, that my worship in and out of church would be pleasing to Him, that the rearing of my children and maintaining of my household would glorify Him, that any changes in me would ultimately be about His glory and not my pride and fulfillment.

More Harm Than Good

There are some things in this life that are perceived good, but they may cause more harm than good. For example, an apology that makes me feel better but makes you feel worse may very well be sincere but it may cause more harm than good.